Blackbirds
by Tay DS
Summary: When the blame begins to torment, as far as the sanity of a person may go? Songfic. Shinku's POV.


**Name:** Blackbirds

**Writer: **Tay DS

**Rating:** K+

**Synopsis: **When the blame begins to torment, as far as the sanity of a person may go? Songfic. Shinku's POV.

**Disclaimers: **Rozen Maiden doesn't belong to me. The series belongs to Peach-Pit. The music Blackbirds doesn't belong to me either. It belongs to their composers Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington from Linkin Park. Fanfic without profit.

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"_I'm not a junk... I'm not... Shinku!"_

And once again, I had this dream… Suigin Tou. Every night, I ask myself if I did the right thing. I know that Jun always said that it was necessary, but now I can feel the sad truth about the Alice Game.

At night, I wake up and catch myself shake. Sweating cold one more time. I see my other sisters with me, but I'm feeling alone. Something I lack. And I can do nothing to alleviate this pain… This loss.

Jun told me to try forgetting, and forwarding several times. But I can't. In fact, try to begin again is more difficult than I thought. Sometimes I would like that nothing happened, it only was all as it was before. When there was just the darkness of my box, without at least import the Game… Pff! What is that stupid thing I said? I'm feeling sad, but I never would abandon the sunlight again.

Fear. I'm so afraid of dark. That's why I try enjoying the sunlight. Because when the night fall and everyone'll go sleeping, they're on the watch. Those things that cause so much pain come to torture. I see black feathers everywhere, illusions of a mind to lose the sanity.

The sun rises once more. My dreams, or better, my nightmares leaves and my reality arrives. Hina Ichigo, Souseiseki and Suiseiseki seem normal. I envy them. Because that doesn't torment them like torments me. Perhaps it happens because I saw from that way. I didn't take her Rosa Mystica, as a rule of the Alice Game, because I couldn't.

That moment… That feeling that she felt, that was her to move even without a medium. Stronger than any other already seen even a human being. Love. The same reason that led me to do what I did. For a doll, may be a kind of madness speaks of love, but Suigin Tou loved the Father, our creator.

I love the Father, but when I see Jun and I remember every sacrifice that he has done to help me, I wonder if the Father is not so cruel in this way we fighting. Do we suffer so?

How stupid I could be?! I would like to say this, but there is some true in this, and I feel that.

The sun goes down, and the day leaves. One more night to face. More nightmares during the sleep. I feel I'm sleeping less than before. Not for insomnia, but by fear. Afraid of what I can see each nightmare that I can have about that episode.

Nothing changes. The same images. The same feathers. And the blame brings me pain. Brings me suffering.

I can see Jun also feels the same. That I called servant and accepted me as his doll, and I accepted as my medium. He also suffers, but silently. I try concealing my pains from him. But he knows what I feel, and he does not hesitate help me. Go through all this.

And even so, I'm feeling alone.

My shakes, the nights in clear, the sweat cold, the screams, the fire, everything has already become every day. And I think it was the Suigin Tou's plan since the beginning. Or not. The Father's plan perhaps?

Now I know how lose a sister. A part of me.

And once again the night falls. And the nightmares come. The image of Suigin Tou picking up fire once again torments me. The black feathers. Blackbirds that lead me to the suffering.

The blackbirds take me the sanity, and lead me to the eternal darkness. They're waiting for me in the world of fools, to complete what has already been begun…

_Blackbirds following me_

_I'm digging out my grave_

_They close in, swallowing me_

_The pain, it comes in waves_

_I'm getting back what I gave_

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**NA: **I know that's not a long fanfic, but I loved writer it in Portuguese and after translate it into English. I hope everyone like it. Bye Bye Beautiful!


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